A Solemn Post About Who I Am

I've been trying to get my life on track.

I guess my initial question would be when I first lost the track of my life. It could have been when my parents divorced. It could have been when I started obsessing, seeing only one way out. It could have been when I became fearful and stopped trusting people. It could have been when I shut down completely and allowed my depression to rule my every decision.

I started this blog over a year ago as a way for me to be honest with myself and as a way to connect with other people. Since then, it has gone through many changes in appearance and in function. The overall message is still the same.

I am never alone: No matter how many times depression tells me I am. I have my family and my friends, who are the best support group I could have ever asked for. I have the people who love me and want to see me succeed. I have professors, co-workers, bosses who believe in me and believe in my actions. And though I do not have many readers, I have some who take in everything I say and who can—on some level (I hope)—relate to what I am going through.

I've spent a long time struggling with what is and is not in my life. I am not normal. I will never be normal. However, my mental illness—my depression, my anxiety—does not dictate who I am. Who I am in life is based on my actions, based on my words. I live with depression, but it does not rule my life.

If you are reading this, I thank you from the very bottom of my heart. I thank you for not necessarily identifying with my struggles, but for hearing them. For taking the time to acknowledge them. I am a fighter when I need to be, and I know, I always need to be a fighter. For my life. For what I love. For who I am.

I am not perfect nor will I pretend to be.

I climb into carts at the grocery store.

 

 

I write my heart out—in stories, in essays, on the internet. Every piece of my writing has my heart and soul intertwined.

I laugh too much, talk too loud.

I say stupid things on a regular basis.

I love school with a passion—sometimes an unhealthy one.

I love my animals like one loves their children.

 

My boys, Mocha (Siamese) and Shadow

My mother is the most amazing, most selfless person I know. I hope I can be half the woman she is one day.

 

My High School Graduation

My sisters and I do not always see eye-to-eye, but I love them more than I've ever told them. They were the best people to grow up with.

 

Graduation Lunch

My nephew has taught me what it means to love eternally.

Baby Gideon

I have dreams, ambitions, goals. Some are plausible, some are not. But, they are still there.

I have fears, worries, inner demons.

I live for photographs, and preserving memories.

I have a story to tell, just as everyone else does.

A story, I hope, I can one day be strong enough to share.

 

Above all, I am me. Just a girl. Trying to find her way through life. Trying to leave a positive footprint on this world.